I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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