I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
