I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
