Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
