I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
