And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
These tits shall not be calmed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
