just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
