I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
