Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
