I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
