it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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