You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
