If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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