I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
