hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
