Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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