It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
