I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
