how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
