Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
COCAINE IS GR8
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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