woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
