Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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