if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
