she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is Oprah even human
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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