so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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