you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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