Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
