so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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