Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Panties = found
Randomize
