I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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