Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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