Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
