put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
