Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
