If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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