I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
