I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
