My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Your penis caused this!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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