Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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