Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
