WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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