I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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