dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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