I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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