she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
