i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
