I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
