Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
