I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
