my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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