the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
